Taylor Swift’s first hit was “Tim McGraw” with the lyrics, “When you think Tim McGraw/I hope you think of me”.
I’ve been asked countless times why I’m such a fan and so, here’s my *punny* attempt to answer that for my fellow Swifties and non-Swifties too.
Having been a fan since Taylor’s debut album in 2006, I feel like I’ve grown up with her. This fan-scination (I’m declaring that a new word) is not new. It is rooted in my love of growing up singing Tim McGraw alongside my dad in the front seat of his truck, and my first introduction to Taylor being that song. Then it became screaming “Fearless” in the car with teammates on the way to basketball games; then crying through “Fifteen” because every word she wrote was true: “‘Cause when you’re fifteen/And somebody tells you they love you/You’re gonna believe them” and I did. Her song “Enchanted” brings me back to snowfall beside my best friend, at sixteen, driving around during a winter night as we fantasized about fairytale-like love.
As a little girl and teenager, I was often ridiculed for being overly sensitive. I took everything to heart—*still do*—and every experience felt like a first time. Regardless of how many times I have seen The Notebook or My Sister’s Keeper, I sob until my eyes swell and a chronic headache ensues. I’m blown away by simple gestures and devastated by choices of words. There are fewer things that I can just let roll of my back than there are that I absorb completely to my core. No matter how often words are used like weapons or how predictable someone’s actions may be, I do not become desensitized. Instead, I feel each blow deeper than the time before.
I’ve experienced life this way forever. This troubled me for a long time and I carried a lot of shame over it for years, especially in my teens. But in my twenties, through many books and therapy, I learned that being highly sensitive can often be a superpower. It allows me to feel deeply and widely, in a way that others sometimes never do. This can feel unbearable during the lows, and during the highs, astronomical. Most importantly, I learned that a highly sensitive person is just a type of being. Not right or wrong, just a type, and that is okay.
I can’t speak for her, but I’m willing to bet that Taylor is also a highly sensitive person. She has written and stated publicly that writing music is her coping mechanism for processing various emotions in her life, and largely, for love and heartbreak. So as a teen, when I was heartbroken over my latest falling out whether with a friend or a significant other, she had a song for it. She sang “Dear John” and I paralleled that with “Dear Tom”. She couldn’t accept ever having a last kiss, and neither could I, so as she sang, “So I’ll go/Sit on the floor wearing your clothes/All that I know is/I don’t know how to be something you miss/I never thought we’d have a last kiss”, I sat on the bathroom floor, in his shirt, and cried myself to sleep. When I was told by others to “let it go” or “it’s not the end of the world”, Taylor had a song that didn’t ridicule me for the way I felt, and instead, enveloped me, like arms, and held me in a way that brought me comfort and assurance that it wasn’t just me who loved and lived this way.
As I entered college, she had released an album about growing into adulthood and realizing her own adolescence being a thing of the past and how cruel the world and time can be. She embraced being “22” and late nights with friends, as I, too, went out with the girls and scouted potential lovers filling my list of blank spaces with different players. And her later albums accompanied me through the holy ground of motherhood. With each album I have shared a parallel with her, and I can’t help but notice that we experience relationships, friendships, betrayal, setbacks, and growth, similarly. So, going to the Eras Tour this last summer, was an absolute dream. I sang and danced amongst a sold out stadium of not only other Swifties, but other highly sensitive people.
I didn’t learn any of their names, but we exchanged friendship bracelets, complimented and named each other’s album inspired outfits, cried at the sight of Taylor, screamed each song until our lungs and vocal cords ached, and danced until the end of the 3+ hour show despite our feet being bruised and blistered.
Being just one sparkle of thousands in that crowd was one of the most healing experiences for the little girl inside me that still battles that shame of being “too sensitive” and intolerable to others. In every direction was someone crying out lyrics that represented their once or still broken or healing hearts, entirely starstruck by the force *Taylor* that united us all for that one evening.
Outside of her music, I am in complete admiration of her poise, grace, and agency for her career and relationships, her advocacy for human and artists’ rights, and for the solace in who she is. Her influence is heavy on me, and you can bet my children are Swifties too. I can sing the start of any of her lyrics, like, “You need to calm down,” and my kids will finish it, “You’re being too loud” without missing a beat. We have dance parties and sway together to “Lover” and we even sing “Karma is the guy *on the Cheifs* comin’ straight home to me” all on que.
One of my greatest treasures is that I get to share my love of Taylor with them. I tell them about how she was once a girl who thought a high school boyfriend and writing country songs would be her greatest achievements, then later developed into a versatile artist, businesswoman, human rights advocate, philanthropist, and world-wide idol. She has written a new narrative for women by being the main character of her own story, and not limited to a supporting character in someone else’s. And most notably, no matter the criticism she receives, she continues to do what she loves and remains true to herself above all else. I can’t think of a better example for myself or my children to follow. And one day, they’ll have an idol that they deeply admire and, I hope, share their fan-scination with me.
Her next album, The Tortured Poets Department, being released on April 19th, seemingly represents Taylor’s take on the five stages of grief. I am eager, desperate, and inspired. I can hardly wait for what she has planned for us.
When you think Taylor Swift, I hope you think of me.
